Kendall/MIT T Station, Cambridge, MA - 3/5 stars
The yellow line is there for a reason, evidently. Luckily, I narrowly missed falling into the way of an oncoming subway train (eat your heart out, House of Cards) and awoke to several firefighters and EMTs escorting me up the stairs. Pros: many doctors and nurses live nearby, due to ridiculous Boston real estate prices; the yellow line clearly marks both the path of oncoming trains and where tourists stand. Cons: could easily have been electrocuted and run over.

Dallas Fort-Worth Airport - ?/5 stars
Yeah, honestly, I don’t remember this one.

The US Capitol - 1/5 stars
If you are planning an epilepsy-friendly family trip to Washington, DC, avoid this place at costs! On my most recent visit, some representatives were sympathetic, but ultimately referred me to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (as amended). Several representatives were actively hostile to the idea of helping a person so obviously possessed by Satanic powers, and one attempted to “expel the demons within me” using a cross and a bottle of holy water (despite his prescription, I have continued taking Depakote).

Downeast Cider House, Boston, MA - 4/5 stars
New England is known for its apples, and less so for the emotional warmth of its inhabitants. Despite the chilly regional reputation, I found Downeast Cider House’s staff to be welcoming and kind, with soft employees and bar mats to fall on. The manager even comped my spilled drink. Would seize again.

Canada - 4.5/5 stars
Pros: universal healthcare, cheap prescription drugs, medical marijuana, and kindly strangers. Cons: ice and an unshakeable air of superiority.

Southwest Flight 1965 from Baltimore to Boston - 3/5 stars
Already one of my favorite flights, WN1965 from BWI to BOS got more kudos in my book when I suffered a seizure on a recent flight. Unlike other airlines, Southwest has opted for seats that offer slightly more padding when one bangs one’s head against them. However, Southwest does not offer a class seating system, and doctors sometimes choose to fly more “luxurious” airlines, with the occasional side effect of being dragged off a flight.

IKEA - 5/5 to 2/5 stars, depending on department My advice to epileptics visiting IKEA is to stay away from the MALM collection. Yes, the dresser, table, and drawers are attractive and available in several trendy colors, but the straight-line design results in sharp corners which will leave nasty bruises. The MORGEDAL mattress series, on the other hand, offers excellent support for your seizing body, should an event occur. Pro tip: the cafeteria is a relaxing spot to decompress during the postictal phase, and at my local IKEA, it offers unparalleled people-watching.